There’s a familiar adage that is quoted in a variety of ways: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Sometimes we hear the word “cheat” inserted instead of “fool.” Sometimes the word is “hurt.” Whatever word you use, the point remains the same. We make mistakes in life (sometimes of our own creation or sometimes because we innocently trusted someone who turned out to be untrustworthy). The first time we make that mistake is often understandable. A strategic error. Following bad advice. Good intentions. It seemed like the right move at the time. Etc. But when we do the same thing again (or, even again and again), there’s nowhere to place the blame except upon ourselves. Errors are part of life. Failing to learn from them should not be.
I heard a man say: “There is a mudhole between my property and my neighbor’s. It’s surrounded by weeds and, therefore, almost impossible to see until it’s too late. I have ruined two practically new pairs of shoes by stepping in it.” Wait a minute! Two pairs? The first time, blame the neighbor. But the second time around, the guy with the shoes should have known the mudhole was there.
When I was just starting in ministry, I served some small churches where I pretty much was the staff – which included typing the bulletins for Sunday worship. Whenever I typed the word “altar,” you could be almost certain it would appear as “alatr.” It’s just where my fingers decided to go. However, as it continued to happen, perhaps I should have learned to be a little more careful proofreading. “Fool me twice,” you know. I still do the same thing with the word “from.” Three times out of four when I type that word, it shows up as “form.” I have no idea why, but that’s what happens. And since “form” is a perfectly acceptable word, my spell-check has no problem allowing it to stay just as it is. Apparently I still haven’t fully learned the lesson about careful proofreading.
I knew a guy once who continued to order liver pudding at breakfasts because it looked as tasty as sausage. (A word for the wise – It’s not!) Each time he would take one bite, make an awful face, and say, “I’m never ordering that any more!” But after enough time had passed, he would try it again. Maybe he assumed a new restaurant could magically change its flavor. Who knows what he thought? “Fool me twice ….” We do it with elected officials. Occasionally someone will be elected to an office who turns out to be incompetent, corrupt, or both. “Fool us once, shame on you!” But then, for reasons that defy logic, he/she gets re-elected. “Fool me twice ….” I read recently about a man who was married five times. Each time he was apparently in love with his bride, and every time she was devoted to him. But, each time he succumbed to temptation, was unfaithful, it was discovered, and he wound up humiliated and alone again. “Fool me five times?” How many people have you known who suffered heart attacks or began to develop COPD, and their doctors told them, “If you continue smoking, it will kill you”? They did, and it did.
They say the definition of “stupid” is to keep doing the same thing while expecting different results. I think maybe “stupid” is too strong (and unkind) of a word. A better choice of words is probably “unwise.” There is wisdom, even virtue, in learning from our mistakes so that we don’t continue repeating them (and therefore continue suffering what, after a few repetitions, becomes predictable – and avoidable – pain).
So, a couple questions tap us on the shoulder: [1] What are you doing that is detrimental to your life, your relationships, your work, or your future? [2] What is someone else doing to you that diminishes or, perhaps, even abuses who you are? There is neither need for shame or guilt if we have answers to those questions … unless we fail to learn from those answers. “Hurt me once” is, unfortunately, part of life. “Hurt me twice” should not be.
All this, of course, comes “form” the “alatrs” of human wisdom and personal experience.