A friend from grad school (many years ago) confessed to me recently that he goes to bed each evening at 9:00. “Remember the days when 1:00 a.m. seemed early?,” he asked. “For me now, that has become the middle of the night.” We commiserated about how that is but one of the many signs of the undeniable reality of aging.
Another shared that he has recently changed doctors. He now goes to a geriatrician, someone who understands illnesses (and treatments) related to the aging body. Previously his doctor reminded him too much of Doogie Howser (a reference only those of a certain age will catch). He said he grew weary of hearing his physician answer every medical question he posed with the lead-in: “Well, as you age ….” “What if he misses something crucial just because he attributes every complaint I have to how long I’ve lived?,” my friend said. “Aging should be the last diagnosis he considers, not the first.”
Aging. It is often a difficult task to master. And yet, as the adage goes, “It beats the alternative.” And, to their credit, I see a lot of people who do manage to master the accumulation of years not merely with grace but also with a sense of adventure that borders on (dare I say it?) … youthfulness. How do you pull that off?
My friend’s new doctor (post-Doogie) suggested a few simple things that we should do for our bodies. The first she told him was to Stay Hydrated. Drink a lot of water. As we age, our sense of being thirsty reduces but our need for liquids increases. So, we should drink (especially water) even when we don’t really want to. The list of reasons for doing that is long, including (but not limited to) such things as the risk of dizziness and falling plus increased cognitive dysfunction if we don’t. She also told him to Eat Smart. You don’t have to sign off of red meat, pizza, or ice cream completely, but you’ll live longer and be healthier if you add a lot of chicken, fish, fruits, and veggies on a daily basis. Exercise. Hike. Bike. Lift weights. Play tennis. Whatever brings you joy. The geriatrician said if we simply walk at as brisk a pace as possible for twenty minutes a day, the results will be dramatic. None of that is “new news,” but all of it is important news.
Equally as crucial as how we tend to our bodies, I think, is how we tend to our spirits. By that I mean the inner self where our essential identity is discovered. What can we do to remain in love with life? Mirabai Starr, in her new book Ordinary Mysticism: Your Life as Sacred Ground (HarperOne, 2024) writes: “I am continually challenged to stop arguing with reality and instead soften into what is.” She is talking about the liberating power of being honest with one’s self. No, I am not twenty any more. No, I probably can’t manage a game of tackle football or a session of break dancing or an afternoon of bungee jumping. But, that does not negate the plethora of things I can do.
One of the benefits of aging is that it creates space in our daily schedules that we didn’t have when we were balancing full-time jobs and full-time child rearing. Many people in retirement discover joys (and talents) they didn’t know they possessed when they were too busy to find out. Some become artists. Others at last have a chance to learn how to play the piano or guitar. I know a man who at seventy decided to take up golf. Whereas most do that simply for fun and fellowship (which is sufficient), he is now shooting his age on a regular basis. For seventy years he was too busy to discover a serious talent that was his, but now he has the time to explore it. Some audit courses at local colleges and universities. Some do the same thing via Great Courses or by viewing lectures on YouTube. Many become travelers, going to exotic places they saw in magazines but only dreamed about twenty years before. From Mah Jong to pickleball to the Franciscan peacefulness of working in the garden to the soul-enriching experience of volunteering with community agencies that exist to feed the hungry, house the homeless, visit the incapacitated, or tutor children – there is an endless array of ways to invest our time and reap the returns of meaning and joy as a result. You often hear the phrase, “Old doesn’t mean dead.” In truth, that can be taken a step further. Sometimes “old” means becoming more fully alive. Certainly it means having a deepened sense of appreciation for life’s treasures once we come to terms with the impermanence of things. Since life’s journey moves at a rapid pace, make sure not to ignore the beauties and blessings of the trip. And those beauties do not disappear as we age. Sometimes they multiply. At the very least, they simply change forms.
The bottom line, I suppose, is that we only have two choices: We either live out our days depressed because we are no longer young, or we seek (which leads to discovering) new sources of joy and fulfillment with each new day. Every morning provides the gift of an unspoiled day replete with opportunities for growth and happiness. As we age, a sign of wisdom is the decision to live while we’re alive.