Our daughter, Katharine, was married last weekend to a fine young man named R.J. Currey. They stood in the presence of God and a church full of friends and family and promised that for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, they will love and cherish each other until they are parted by death. That, of course, is what you desire for your children when they marry – that as the future unfolds, they will have found someone to have and to hold happily ever after.
To use the phrase made popular by Danish philosopher and theologian, Soren Kierkegaard, marriage really is a “leap of faith.” You believe in the “happily ever after” part and, thus, throw yourself into it. But, obviously you can’t be completely sure. Not every story has a Hallmark rom-com ending. There are no permanent guardrails, no hard-and-fast assurances that your union will be part of the roughly 60% that last. You hope. You pray. You use the best judgment you can, accepting the reality that the heart is certainly as influential as the head in matters of romance. You listen to family, friends, pastors, pre-marriage counselors, etc. But then comes the day when you take a leap of faith. You simply believe in that other person and in the future you both desire, and so you stand in your own holy place and speak sacred vows.
The traditional vows are intelligent. Realistic. They confess that life happens, sometimes in beautiful ways and sometimes in ways that shake you to the very core. For better OR worse … richer OR poorer … in sickness AND in health. They even confess that the best case scenario is that you LIVE together throughout the years until you are parted by DEATH. The whole panoply of human existence is set out before the couple as they exchange vows and rings and kiss that special kiss and toast and dance at the reception and head off to some exotic place to begin their journey of life together. And that journey will be primarily experienced in places not exotic but instead ordinary, occasionally even difficult or challenging – real life in the real world. In all of it, for better or worse, brides and grooms take a leap of faith that their love will last, that their ability to face life hand-in-hand and heart-in-heart will give them the power to celebrate the best of times and keep standing in the worst. Because, if their love is real, in the best of times they will have a special someone to dance with, and in the worst of times they will have that same someone to lean on.
Even as an old guy, I still believe in “happily ever after.” In fact, maybe I believe it more now than when I was younger because experience has taught me how much we need a special someone to dance with and to lean on. That one other person we can trust enough to keep taking a leap of faith for. That one other person who will hear us without judging and will laugh with us or cry with us as needed. That one other person who will be there for us and with us until we are parted by death. The journey is too quick. For me, at least, and for many, I suspect, the journey is easier if we do not make it alone.
“To love and to cherish until we are parted by death.” I want Katharine and R.J. to find that. And, I believe that they will. They are so well suited. As my wife often says, “they fit.” And, they are so joyful that I am convinced “happily ever after” will come for them. And someday when they, too, have grown old, I believe they will be able to say that the leap of faith they took last Saturday landed them in arms of love that never let go.